When Your Official Mentor Leaves You Hanging

It took me a long time to realize that *just because someone is older, more experienced, or even

officially assigned to help you*... doesn't mean they will. And in some cases, they'll even spin their

absence as part of your "growth."

## Story: The Mentor Who Let Me Struggle

In my third school, still early in my library career, I was officially assigned a mentor. On paper, it

looked supportive. In practice, it was silence.

I spent that entire year overwhelmed, unsupported, blamed for everything-and yes, nearly fired. I

didn't even realize how abandoned I'd been until the next year, when I returned and had to claw my

way back professionally.

That's when my "mentor" came up to me-cheerful-and said:

> "You're doing really great this year. Sometimes we just have to learn the hard way. I'm sorry I

wasn't able to mentor you last year."

What did she mean by that?

That "hard way" was the year I almost lost my job. That "lesson" was me blaming myself for

everything. And that "apology" came *after* she let me fail silently, while holding a role she never

fulfilled.

## What This Showed Me- You can be **set up to fail** by omission-not just by malice.

- **Mentorship is not passive.** It's not being nice. It's stepping in *before* someone falls.

- People will sometimes excuse their absence by saying it "helped you grow." But real mentors don't

leave you to drown.

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If you're early in your career, here's what I'd say:

1. **Don't confuse friendliness with guidance.**

Some people will chat with you every day but never actually help you grow.

2. **Ask directly**: "What does mentorship look like to you?"

If they can't answer, they're not your mentor.

3. **Don't take all the blame** when systems fail you.

Lack of support is a structural problem, not a personal flaw.